VISION BOARD WORKSHOP REWIRING YOUR 🧠 BRAIN FOR 💗 LOVE
How to put neuroscience to some excellent use!
One of the things straight women talk about amongst themselves is the apparent shortage of men who “get” us — men who pay attention, who care about what matters to us, who put effort into understanding and supporting and loving us.
All it takes is one mention of Chris’s travel research hours spent searching for the AirBnB of his baby’s (my) dreams, and women friends’ eyes go wide, as if there’s just been a sighting of the last existing survivor of an endangered species.
The fact that we have these thoughts — consistently, even — does not make them true, however. There are a lot of really great men out there. (And if you prefer women, there’s plenty of great ones for you, too.)
But thanks to our neural pathways, thoughts we entertain and allow to play on a tape loop create wagon wheel ruts in the Wild West that is our brain — they get dug in, and those thoughts become the path of thinking with the least resistance. Which is sometimes not a good thing for us, when it creates “realities” that ain’t necessarily so.
So let’s talk reality for a sec, shall we?
I’ve got a couple clients well over 60 whose sex lives at the moment would make any sext-happy Millennial blush.
Try telling them there are no good men. They won’t listen — they’re too busy packing their bags for their next romantic rendezvous.
DID YOU JUST SIGH EVER SO SLIGHTLY?
Look, I’m not saying it’s easy finding that special person. I’ve experienced my fair share of disappointment and heartbreak, and you probably have too. It’s the price of admission, that bit of risk. If you have nothing at stake, you don’t lose much…but you don’t win much, either.
Enter stage left our hero, Neuroplasticity! Back in the ‘60s, researchers discovered the first hard evidence of the brain’s ability to grow and change over time.
Thanks to that fun fact, you and I have a fighting chance at love. Armed with a little knowledge, we can shape how our brains think in such a way as to open our minds…our eyes…and our hearts.
Here are 3 ways — informed by neuroscience — you can practice training your brain for love:
1. WHEN YOU NOTICE A HABITUAL NEGATIVE ASSESSMENT COME TO MIND, LOOSEN YOUR GRIP ON IT. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO WANT IN YOUR LIFE.
Have you ever paper-trained a puppy? It’s a lot like that. When you have a thought about being alone forever…or being undesirable…blah blah blah…tell the unfounded thought to stop peeing on the rug and then gently put it outside.
You’ve got a good brain. It’ll catch on at some point and you’ll have created some nice new neural pathways. Which can be even better for you than a new pair of shoes.
2. WHEN YOU GET A LITTLE SCARED, REMIND YOURSELF THAT OUR EVER-SKITTISH BRAINS TURN ANY UNCERTAINTY INTO FEAR.
While the tendency to be on the lookout for saber-toothed tigers was no doubt a handy trait back in the day, the sleek brain models of today tend to focus all that caution and trepidation on anything unknown.
Think about love, and all the unknowns involved in that endeavor. You think our brains will be dealing with some uncertainty when it comes to the human heart? Um, yes. Fortunately, simply being aware of our automatic mechanism helps lessen the grip of fear and allows us to just be. Being able to distinguish a true fear for one’s safety from a fear that’s a knee-jerk reaction is akin to a superpower.
3. SHAKE UP YOUR ROUTINE AND GET OUT EXPLORING, HAVING NEW EXPERIENCES ON A REGULAR BASIS.
Boredom will take you down. Research on boredom at work indicates it’s rampant and also really destructive. Early symptoms include demotivation, anxiety and sadness. Over the longer haul these morph into self-deprecation, which can turn into depression and even physical illness. If you’re experiencing boredom, your brain is craving some stimulation.
Exposing your brain to new sights, activities, people, food, music, dance moves…it all activates the cognitive networks that keep your brain fit and healthy and you vibing at a high frequency. Good energy is very attractive!
The more you feed your brain the novelty and stimulation it craves — in responsible ways — the more that magnificent mind of yours will be open to love. You’ll be high-vibin’ and givin’ off the kind of energy that has others stop, smile and be glad to be on the same planet with you.
YOU KNOW WE’VE ONLY SCRATCHED THE SURFACE HERE, RIGHT? NEXT WEEK, WE’LL TAKE A LOOK AT HOW TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF ENERGY A POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST HAS, AND HOW THAT FITS WITH YOURS.
And btw: If you haven’t yet subscribed to the Moxie Diaries, this would be a good time. ;)
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Meanwhile, how does all this love stuff resonate with YOU? What helps you navigate love, particularly when it’s not yet in sight? How do you get your Self ready for love? I’d love it if you’d leave a comment below.
Also: If you’re interested in having a guide on your own journey, I’d be honored to discuss that with you.
Dozens of women across the country have been getting awesome results from the live group workshop, SOUL CARE: A Moxie Masterclass — I invite you to check it out and jump in, if your intuition tells you it’s high time you let your full self shine brightly again. Think of it as a spa for your soul…. Would love to have you be part of it! 🧡
With love and moxie,
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