WINGING IT? OR FLYING?
The danger of diminishing your gifts
The other day I was in a private session with a client, and she mentioned how she often feels like she’s “winging it” in life. As in, just getting by without having put in the time, scored the proper credentials, gained enough experience.
I’ll bet you’ve been there — I know I have.
Sometimes when you feel like you haven’t worked HARD enough for something, well, you just haven’t earned whatever nice opportunity, reward or recognition has come your way, right?
Have you ever notice yourself downplaying an accomplishment?
When someone remarks how good you are at something, is there a little troll in your head that wants to get into a debate about it? Is that little devil slinging mud clods at your shiny self in an attempt to tone you down a bit? 💩
I THINK THERE ARE A COUPLE INTERESTING DYNAMICS OFTEN AT PLAY HERE:
First of all, being TOO good at something can bring its own difficulties.
My client really excelled at her sport when she was in junior high, to the point where she was asked to be the team captain instead of one of the older girls, as was customary. While at first this seemed like a good thing, she soon felt the resentment and wrath of some of those 8th grade girls who did not like the idea of a 7th grader being their team captain.
And so what did she do? She relinquished her new leadership role to keep the peace.
That’s totally understandable, of course. But totally unfulfilling. And a betrayal of sorts of the Self, which wants to be expressed.
I’ll bet you’ve had experiences yourself where you suddenly felt a bit self-conscious about knowing the answer when no one else did…or being crazy great at math…or having an obvious emotional intelligence beyond your years.
THE VERY HUMAN RESPONSE TO THAT SOCIAL DISCOMFORT IS TO STEP BACK, WITHDRAW, WITHHOLD. IT’S A CONTRACTION OF ENERGY THAT FLIES IN THE FACE OF WHAT OUR ENERGY MOST WANTS TO DO: GROW AND EXPAND.
What there is to do now, however, is to look back on that experience and have some real compassion for yourself. Contracting was what made sense to you at the time, and that response you had then informs you and has you be all the wiser now.
And you can also promise yourself you will seek to expand, not contract. You can promise yourself you’ll let your light shine, and not entertain any silly notions about your bright light diminishing anyone else’s radiance. The world needs all the shining-bright people it can get!
The other dynamic often at play is our tendency to discount things we’re good at.
Because it’s just too easy.
I’ll bet you know exactly what I’m talking about here, amiright?
YOU MAKE SOME AWESOME MEAL, AND WHEN SOMEONE RAVES ABOUT IT, YOU DOWNPLAY IT.
YOU WHIP UP A PRESENTATION THAT LANDS THE DEAL, AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE AGOG, YOU SHRUG IT OFF.
YOU WIN THE TOP SALES AWARD, AND YOU ATTRIBUTE IT TO LUCK.
What’s that about, right? Could it be that we tend to de-value that which did not require us to grind and effort and toil? I think so.
Yet to downplay your strengths is to indulge in another form of contraction. It’s a failure to be grateful for what comes easily and naturally to you.
You might even say it’s a form of turning up your nose at gifts you’ve been given. And that’s not very nice, is it?
Just because something comes easily to you doesn’t mean it’s not valuable.
Being great at that thing you’re great at? It’s worth something.
So back to my client:
“I feel like I’m always winging it,” she confessed.
I looked at this charismatic, brilliant, highly trained speaker and suggested another possibility: You’re not winging it at all. You’re simply flying.
And the light bulb switched on.
You know what? Sometimes when we are so good at something — when it comes as naturally as breathing — we take it for granted. We don’t own it.
But it’s never too late to start.
I invite you to consider what it is that you’re naturally good at. How do you tend to be about it? Do you downplay it? Or do you really own that yes, you’re a high-flying bird, and soaring is simply what you do?
The delicious and fulfilling part, of course, is when you fully own that you’re a gorgeous bird who loves to fly and soar — and then you go do that.
🕊️ 🕊️ 🕊️
If you’re interested in learning how to own your gifts and honor yourself at a new level, I invite you to check out Moxie’s Soul Care Masterclass. Living lusciously, practicing radical self-reverence, self care that goes deep…it’s a pretty awesome experience.
Reach out to me if you’re interested and we can chat about it.
Would you drop a comment below? Would love to hear your thoughts on the experiences we all have of pretending that flying is no big deal.
With love and moxie,
Wait, there’s more?… Get the full Moxie Diaries in your inbox by signing up here.
We respect your privacy and will never sell your info.